The people that feel like home

Posted in Me, Relationships by Lifesmile Scribbler

Six chicks

What is it about the people that, when you are with them, make you feel like you’re at home? My awkward and uncomfortable tendencies can easily crop up when I’m around people, to the point that, sometimes, I would rather just be on my own. But with those certain few, those special ones, when you are with them it’s just perfect. Nothing matters. You can be you, stripped back, flawed, and un-judged.

Since moving to Cardiff I have met some truly wonderful friends that I hope will stick around in this life of mine for a very long time. But, back home, where this life of mine all started, there are five little gems that mean a hell of a lot to me. And it’s not that we speak all that often – I don’t even get to see them more than about twice a year (and that’s challenge enough) – it’s that when I do see them, it’s as if I never left.

I’m the first to admit my hopelessness at staying in touch. I put it off, tell myself I’ll do it tomorrow, and then probably forget. With some people, this means friendship turns to dust. The bond breaks. Because what is a friendship without contact? But with others, it just doesn’t matter. With them, it’s how it always was.

So, I just want to say thanks to you five. You know who you are. Thanks for being awesome little balls of fun, laughter, wine, melted cheese, and love. Thanks for being with me on the ups, and being there for me on the downs. Thanks for making me certain that it doesn’t matter where we all end up, you will always feel like home.

8Dec2014

The enemy of apathy

Posted in Life, Me, Thoughts, Words by Lifesmile Scribbler

They say to keep your friends close but your enemies closer. That’s why apathy and I are almost inseparable. All that lies between us are empty yoghurt pots, dirty socks, and a layer of dust.

You don’t fight with apathy. It always seems to win. So why bother? It enjoys sitting with you on the sofa, doing nothing, avoiding everything. It’s favourite word is procrastinate.

Apathy doesn’t judge you. But it makes you judge yourself. To the point where you wonder, why do I let myself live like this? DO SOMETHING. But it doesn’t let you. It holds you down, holds you back.

You want to scream and shout at apathy for turning you into the person you have become. The person you don’t want to be. But it muzzles you and reminds you of your feeble purpose.

So, in the end, you comply. You grow used to its company and its consequence. Toleration becomes normality. But apathy never changes. It’s always there. Right by your side.

The worst of friends but the best of enemies.

8Dec2014

A path untrodden

Posted in Life, Me by Lifesmile Scribbler

Someone I haven’t known all that long, but whom I would class as a very good friend, has just done something crazy. Amazing. Terrifying. Admirable. Brave. She has left the place she knows, where her friends are, where she had a fabulous job, where she called home, to live in a city she’d never visited, in a country she’d never been to, where they speak a language she doesn’t know. She’s young and has her whole life ahead of her, and I absolutely love how she is walking her own path instead of waiting for one to appear in front of her. She was at a crossroads and instead of playing it safe or choosing the easy way, she is doing something incredible. I’m jealous. I’m sad, too.

It’s not often you meet someone you think you really relate to. Someone with lots of common interests. Someone you enjoy talking to and listening to. Someone you can be honest with. For me, Amber Bell is one of those people. Sassy and ambitious, I was so pleased to get to know her. We aren’t incredibly close, but we just click. I certainly think we do anyway.

I don’t have many friends. Those I have are friends because I make time for them and they make time for me. After moving to Cardiff permanently I really struggled to meet people who I would class as friends as opposed to acquaintances, perhaps. Luckily I met a few early on who are still good friends now. With friendship quality is much more important than quantity. But Amber is someone I met fairly recently (in the last year or so) and now she’s gone. And I’m gutted. Florence captured her heart and she went to find it there. I hope to visit next year. In the meantime I will have to make do with her wonderful blog as company.

What she’s doing though, makes me question what I’m doing. I’ve never gone travelling, for example, and I’ve never lived outside of the UK. Everyone I know who has says it’s the best thing they have ever done. So, am I missing out?

I’ve always played life quite safe. I did well at school, did a sensible degree, worked hard to get a sensible job. The only crazy or brave thing I’ve ever really done was to quit that job. And I was right to do so. I could have stayed there and been unhappy. But I hated being unhappy. I was the one to make the decision to turn off that path and find another one. I’m not sure where it will take me, but I’m much happier walking down it. There will be other paths, I’m sure, but I will be the one to find them. Make them. Opportunities don’t fall in our laps unless we are very lucky or were born with a silver spoon.

One day I hope I can travel. See more of the world. I’m envious of the freedom Amber has and the adventures she is going to experience. I hope that moving to Florence was the best decision she ever made. For me, there are things to keep me where I am right now. Those are important things that I hold dear. I’m in a good place and I remind myself of that every day. But that doesn’t mean there won’t be other paths which I lay down for myself further down the line.

When the time is right.